If you find yourself asking, why am I always tired, the answer could lie within your own personality. There is a difference between graciously helping out where you're needed and being obsessed with people pleasing. People pleasing behaviors can lead to feeling tired to the point where you can not please anyone. Here are the traits of a people pleaser and what to do if you're helpfulness has crossed the line into unhealthy people pleasing.
Traits of a People Pleaser?
People pleasers are more than just kind souls who occasionally act helpful toward others. If you're asking yourself why am I always tired and feeling an obsessive need to continually help others, your helpful nature may be crossing a line into dangerous people pleasing. Here are some traits of a people pleaser:
- Well liked
- Appeasers, tend to give in
- Helpful and supportive
- Feel a need to keep it all "together"
- Fun, feel a need to be fun all the time
- Go along with others
- Creative, talented, able
- Popular socially
- Accept delegation – sometimes unable to say no
- Accused of "always smiling"
- Caring about other's welfare
- People mixers
- Assets in conversation
All of these traits sound like good traits, right? Who would not want to be well liked or though of as a supportive, encouraging friend? These traits in themselves are not hazardous, but it's the feelings behind these traits that identify whether a helpful person has become an obsessive people pleaser.
The Emotional Truth Behind a People Pleasing Personality
People pleasing behaviors are often rooted in emotional issues that are symptoms of deep insecurities. These people have an obsessive need to please others. They fear loss of personal identity, friends, popularity or approval. They obsess with letting family or friends down and often feel inferior to others. People pleasers fear not doing their best. They feel disappointed when they let another person down and they are in denial about their insecurity.
At the same time, people pleasers often feel unappreciated and like they are being treated like victims or door mats. They seldom see how their feelings might be self inflected. They have "martyr syndrome", so to speak, which is a desire to play the martyr, taking one for the team, even though they are tired of doing so and find themselves resenting it.
What is further important to note about the people pleasing personality is that things are not always as they appear with this person. They worry about being found out that they are not as good as they appear, and in fact they often are not. (Who is perfect, afterall?) Although they appear neat and organized, they are usually disorganized behind the scenes. Although they seem to have it all together, they are often frazzled, tired and coming unglued at pressure when no one is looking. Only those closest to them see the truth.
When Feeling Tired Is a Result of People Pleasing
Feeling tired is probably the understatement of the century to a people pleaser who is absolutely at her wits end with exhaustion. You're feeling tired because you are tired – you're absolutely wiped out, and unable to keep al the balls in the air any longer. You're obsessive need to make people happy is not a good quality at all, but has turned into a reason for self-pity, depression, even lower self-esteem when you do not feel validated for what you do, and tiredness. You're finding yourself in a chronic state of feeling unappreciated.
People who are dealing with this emotional disability experience burnout and lack the ability to maintain healthy relationships with family and friends. They are immobilized by irrational beliefs and fear that they are not accomplishing enough to make others happy. They often feel people are not happy with them, reading into small things people say and hearing a worse statement than what was actually said. Criticism to a people pleaser is like a stab to the heart.
These people also can not trust other's sincerity when they do hear a compliment. They often shrug off compliments as a sign of false humility. They start lose their own personal identity, replacing it with the identify of mom, wife, father, husband, colleague, vice president, etc., etc. At some point, the once fearless decision maker becomes immobilized by the people pleasing traits above, and loses her ability to make decisions, and can not even relax.
Overcoming people pleasing is a long-term strategy for dealing with feeling tired. One of the best ways to get a jump start on overcoming fatigue, depression and martyr syndrome is to do something for your self. The ideal answer is to start living a healthier life; adding physical activity and a nutritionally balanced meal plan to your day is something you can do for you. Also, consider herbal supplements which are carefully created to help you overcome fatigue and live a healthier life.
How to Turn People Pleasing into Something Positive
If you're tired of feeling tired all the time and you want to make a change, the answer is not to simply stop doing things for people. Becoming a cold person who does not care for others is not going to make you feel better at all. Instead, turn some of your people pleasing issues that are negative into useful and positive attributes, by following a few simple tips.
1) Instead of feeling self-depreciating, start by accepting your personal strengths and attributes. Its OK to know what you're good at and feel confident about those things within yourself, without the need for constant validation.
2) If you're finding yourself addicted to approval and afraid of being rejected, try increasing your habits of self-affirmations and positive self-approval. Accept your own worth, independent of what others feel or think about you. Try not to seek approval in things such as what you do and what you wear, but instead make decisions based upon your own strengths – the ones you know you have.
3) Instead of stepping up to be the martyr, choose to stop putting yourself in situations where your own needs are ignored. Its OK to protect your rights. Choose not to be victimized by others. Say yes when you want to and have the time to do so, not all the time.
4) Recognize that you're a success, no matter how you do at a specific task. You're self-worth is not dependent on doing well or achievements. If you fail, simply turn failures into a growth opportunity for next time.
5) Stop being so hard on yourself! Self-punishing behavior, whether physical or emotional, is quite debilitating long term. Instead, try to relax, have fun, play, and enjoy life. Everyone messes up sometimes, and the world is not coming to an end if you do too.
If your fatigue is related to people pleasing, start today to live a healthier lifestyle inside and out. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Protect your time and respect your own value.